Preparing...

Em and I are preparing to leave DC and move to Boise, Idaho.  Our estimated time of departure is late April/early May.  Because we know we are not going to be here in DC forever, we have become intentional about how we spend our free time.  Two weeks ago, we traveled to the Outer Banks (North Carolina) and took in the beauty of the Atlantic Ocean as well as some amazing history – Kitty Hawk (Wright Brothers’ first flight), Roanoke (The Lost Colony).  Pretty amazing.

Even more amazing have been the times of connecting at the soul with each other during the drives.  

We love taking road trips because we get a chance to focus on each other while going on adventures with each other.  

We’ve also become quite addicted to podcasts, especially those of Mosaic, a culturally relevant church in Los Angeles led by Erwin McManus. Check out the podcast at http://mosaic.org/podcast/feed/.  It’s free and can be downloaded via iTunes or iPodder at http://juicereceiver.sourceforge.net/index.php.  iPodder is now called Juice for some reason.

This past Saturday, we went to Annapolis for the day and actually stepped into the room where the Treaty of Paris was signed and where George Washington made the critical decision not to remain the leader of the army if he was going to be the leader of the country!  We also walked down to the bay, ate at Chuck and Ruth’s Delly (yes, Delly not Deli (), and checked out the Naval Academy.

While we sat on the dock at the bay, we had one of those “update” conversations – not update in the sense of catching up with each other, but update in the sense of downloading the latest version of the software of the soul.  

Months ago, after prayer and fasting, we decided to move back to Idaho.  However, after spending Christmas at home in Idaho, we both returned to DC with some dark clouds of doubt and uncertainty looming over our souls.

Questions such as “Why are we moving back?”  “What does Idaho have for us?” “How does moving to Idaho fit into our passions?”  “Did we just decide to move back to Idaho, or did we really hear from God?”

The last question, “Did we hear from God?” came to the forefront via a McManus message we had listened to on the way up to Annapolis.  He emphasized the living voice of God, speaking to us, prompting us to act in obedience.  He encouraged his listeners to move on what God has already spoken and actually to refrain from praying for thing for which we will not offer up ourselves as the solution.

Em and I really did hear from God and neither of us will forget the flight out of Boise in September when we both knew that we were to return.  It was uncanny, supernatural, special.  And neither of us can really describe it very well.  It’s almost as if we know it best when we relive that moment in silence together.  Words cannot communicate the depth of that moment.

Back to the dock.  While on the dock, we talked about how disconnected we have felt while living in DC.  Why?  Is it simply the culture of the city?  The transitory nature of relationships in a place where many people’s jobs are determined by terms of 2-4 years?  Is it our lack of service in our church?  Is it our lack of investment in our community? Why do we think things will be different when we move?  

In asking these questions, we found ourselves identifying our passions.  One of our deepest shared passions is helping others, especially youth who are on the fringe.  Both of us have a heart for befriending those who don’t necessarily fit in or who refuse to do so at the expense of violating their own conscience.  Some of our most fulfilling moments as a couple have come during times of serving a couple of young boys in Long Beach, California.  They needed us, and we found that we needed them.  

In the past, our involvement with youth came via our involvement in our church, but our current church doesn’t have any youth (80% of the church is single and the remaining 20% have very few kids ().  

While we have greatly appreciated our time at the church, I think we have also gained some insight as we prepare for our move to Idaho: know your passions, know the things that bring you life and energize you, and then find a place where you can pursue those passions.  

I’m not saying we ended up at the “wrong” church, and I don’t think we are limited to serving in one capacity. But life is to short to live on the fence, which is what we ended up doing.  (By no means is the situation as simplistic as I’ve presented it – we’ve moved three times in the last 5 years and are possibly in the final stages of recovering from burnout, but the application stands).

God has given us passions for a reason.  Pursue them.  If you’re not in a place where you can do so, find a place or create a space for doing so where you’re at.  Feel His pleasure as you do so.

Dreams

Had an interesting dream last night.  I’m not sure what to think of dreams at this point in my life journey.  Are dreams the voice of our unconsciousness - our hidden desires, wants, needs?  Are they prophetic?  Are they the voice of the supernatural, speaking to us when we are most unguarded and vulnerable?  I’m not sure, but my hunch is that dreams are all of these things and more.  

Last night’s dream:  I was in a jungle, a dense jungle filled with indigenous folks who were hiding from something.  They had fled to the area to escape some evil, but now the evil was upon them again.  The terrified face of an elderly man peering at me through the leaves greatly troubled me.  You see, I wasn’t hidden.  In fact, I wasn’t really there except as an observer.  I didn’t feel the danger like the people felt the danger.  I only knew the danger because I watched the people reacting to it.  

Besides the elderly man in the leaves, others were also hiding.  That is, they were hiding until one of their own – a younger version – came hopping and shouting into the open area close to where I was, or, at least, where I had a sense of being.  He laughed and paraded around the area, calling into the jungle to his people, calling for them to join him.  Over time, his excitement permeated the dense jungle and light began to shine where he was standing.

Those in hiding slowly revealed themselves and with some hesitation joined the jovial youngster.

The youngster shouted and chirped all the louder when the people came into open spaces.  The people forgot about the danger.  But now I began to feel that danger was upon them.  

Darkness was close by.  I wanted to warn the people to silence themselves, to hide for just a bit longer.  Something in the dense green vegetation was seeking to destroy them, and they were advertising themselves.  Clouds of grey overcame me and I longed to reach out, to shout out, to warn the people who were now smiling and happy, unaware.

The jovial one then broke into song and dance and called the people to follow him into the jungle.  As if in a drunken stupor, they followed him and vanished into the sea of green.  Their laughs and shouts of joy continued and I followed them with my ears.

Without warning, the shouts escalated into something other than joy, but only for a part of a second, only long enough to reveal that they had been betrayed.  My mind reeled and the trees began to spiral.  The ground rose above me, my eyes closed, and my heart wept for the people.

I awoke from this dream wondering if it had any sort of significance.  Do you ever have those times when it feels as if the blinders have been taken off and for the briefest moment you see the world clearly?  Upon waking, I felt a sense of clarity that, of course, I can’t describe very well now.  

For some reason my mind went to the many people who have been/are being victimized by violence.  I prayed for them.

And then my mind rested on the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego.  I’m not sure why, but the first picture in my mind was of the three of them in the furnace, fire blazing and enemies gazing at their anticipated destruction.

Interestingly, God didn’t make a move until they were in the furnace, until it looked as if all hope was gone.  And why did he allow these things to happen to such godly men?  Why didn’t he just destroy those idolatrous, violent men who were set against Him and all who followed Him?

Because He loved them.  Because He wanted to reach them and chose to do so in the midst of an act of violence.  Too often, I think of God wanting to destroy all the “evil” people.  Instead, stories like the fiery furnace demonstrate that God will do just about anything to reach those bent on doing evil.  Amazing that God has the ability to turn even the worst, most hopeless situations into opportunities to declare His love for all men.

What happens when someone, like the jovial one in my dream, betrays me?  Do I offer that person up for God’s wrath or ask for their heart to be turned?  When will I give up my desire for vengeance and accept God’s way of love and forgiveness?  What kind of trust does that take?