Intentional Intrusion
Intentional Intrusion: the act of pursuing others’ best even when they don’t ask for it. Do we care too much? Or, not enough? Life in DC is very different from life in the west for myriad reasons, but one of the most striking differences is the distance people put among themselves. Personal bubbles expand when you enter the District and a smile and “hello” when meeting someone on the sidewalk will likely conjure up negative ideas: What does that guy want? Why did he look at me? Please stay out of my world!
Granted, this is a stereotype, but I also live this reality every day. In fact, I’ve begun to think like someone who has lived here for two years. I am suspicious of kindness and my personal bubble has expanded.
What’s the problem? Expanding personal bubbles = more lonely, isolated people. Sure, it’s easy to find lots to do and to surround yourself with people. But much of DC is about networking and relationships often begin and grow based on network net worth. Happy hours abound as do social gatherings, but how many people distract themselves to avoid feeling lonely? I don’t know the statistics, but I do know that burnout comes quickly in the District. Wells run dry and people look back and wonder at what happened to their lives.
How many people feel truly known?
Have you ever had someone ignore your personal bubble? Sometimes this can be negative. For example, you are in an elevator making your way to the 10th floor. The elevator stops at the 5th floor and a gentleman walks into the elevator. The doors close and you are the only two people on the elevator. Now, elevators are not exactly the easiest social settings to maneuver, but imagine that the gentleman makes his way to where you are standing and brushes up against you. Imagine if he stood in front of you and looked at you. Yeah, creepy and wrong, but you get the point.
However, negative personal-bubble-intrusion aside, I think there is a place for invading people’s lives. Is it okay to watch a friend walk into the depths of depression, even after s/he has told you to get lost? Is it okay to watch a friend make a life-altering decision without intervening?
I think the intrusion must be customized based on the nature of the relationship and type of problem. This can easily become an excuse to “stay out of their business” or “let them work out the problem themselves”. But I think there is a lot of room for increased interest in our relationships. How much do we care about the people who are close to us? Are we willing to share the truth along with the grace? Are we willing to put ourselves between them and costly mistakes? Are we willing to be uncomfortable and uncertain?
I think this is a deeper love, a passionate pursuit for the hearts and lives of others. A pursuit for the best in others. It’s really not okay to watch as others flounder. It’s really not okay to be put off by personal bubbles. It’s not okay to just leave people alone.
I know personality comes into play and I haven’t thought about all of the ramifications, but if you have ever had someone intentionally intrude in your life – for your best – then you know what I’m talking about. After you weather the storm, rather, after the person weathers the storm with you, a bond will form unlike any other in your life. It makes a difference when someone stands up for you and pushes through for you.
How many movies and songs echo this theme, where the hero/heroine won’t take no for an answer and inspires the best in those around him/her? Often, this is played out in the relationship between lovers. Someone in love will not take no for an answer. They keep seeking for a way to win the heart of their beloved. Something pulls at our heartstrings when we see this kind of love, this intentional intrusion, acted out before us. And it is a gift that only you can give because no one has the relationships that you have, and no one can make the difference you can make in the lives of those around you.
Granted, this is a stereotype, but I also live this reality every day. In fact, I’ve begun to think like someone who has lived here for two years. I am suspicious of kindness and my personal bubble has expanded.
What’s the problem? Expanding personal bubbles = more lonely, isolated people. Sure, it’s easy to find lots to do and to surround yourself with people. But much of DC is about networking and relationships often begin and grow based on network net worth. Happy hours abound as do social gatherings, but how many people distract themselves to avoid feeling lonely? I don’t know the statistics, but I do know that burnout comes quickly in the District. Wells run dry and people look back and wonder at what happened to their lives.
How many people feel truly known?
Have you ever had someone ignore your personal bubble? Sometimes this can be negative. For example, you are in an elevator making your way to the 10th floor. The elevator stops at the 5th floor and a gentleman walks into the elevator. The doors close and you are the only two people on the elevator. Now, elevators are not exactly the easiest social settings to maneuver, but imagine that the gentleman makes his way to where you are standing and brushes up against you. Imagine if he stood in front of you and looked at you. Yeah, creepy and wrong, but you get the point.
However, negative personal-bubble-intrusion aside, I think there is a place for invading people’s lives. Is it okay to watch a friend walk into the depths of depression, even after s/he has told you to get lost? Is it okay to watch a friend make a life-altering decision without intervening?
I think the intrusion must be customized based on the nature of the relationship and type of problem. This can easily become an excuse to “stay out of their business” or “let them work out the problem themselves”. But I think there is a lot of room for increased interest in our relationships. How much do we care about the people who are close to us? Are we willing to share the truth along with the grace? Are we willing to put ourselves between them and costly mistakes? Are we willing to be uncomfortable and uncertain?
I think this is a deeper love, a passionate pursuit for the hearts and lives of others. A pursuit for the best in others. It’s really not okay to watch as others flounder. It’s really not okay to be put off by personal bubbles. It’s not okay to just leave people alone.
I know personality comes into play and I haven’t thought about all of the ramifications, but if you have ever had someone intentionally intrude in your life – for your best – then you know what I’m talking about. After you weather the storm, rather, after the person weathers the storm with you, a bond will form unlike any other in your life. It makes a difference when someone stands up for you and pushes through for you.
How many movies and songs echo this theme, where the hero/heroine won’t take no for an answer and inspires the best in those around him/her? Often, this is played out in the relationship between lovers. Someone in love will not take no for an answer. They keep seeking for a way to win the heart of their beloved. Something pulls at our heartstrings when we see this kind of love, this intentional intrusion, acted out before us. And it is a gift that only you can give because no one has the relationships that you have, and no one can make the difference you can make in the lives of those around you.
posted by Dave Jones at 8:49 PM
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