Dead Animal Removal

Just minutes ago, I was enjoying my time watering the plants in the front yard when something next to the fence caught my eye. I happened to be aiming the water hose in that direction and realized that I was drenching a squirrel! A squirrel that wasn't moving! Aye de mi!!!! Somehow, this squirrel didn't make it to the next tree and fell to its untimely death - dang! I mean, I was feeling really bad for this squirrel.

Then I realized that I had to figure out what to do with the squirrel. It's hot and humid in DC today, so that squirrel already has some friends helping out on the decomp process :((. Yeah, not a pretty picture and it is right by our front steps, so this squirrel is going to start stinking up the whole neighborhood.

So what do you do with a dead squirrel in the city? I'm not really afraid of touching the thing - I grew up on a farm and dealt w/ a lot of dead organisms. But dead squirrels in the city are another story. I wasn't going to bury the squirrel, and God knows that you shouldn't just throw something like that away. I mean, think about the journey that squirrel is going to go on w/ the rest of the garbage! Aye!!!

I finished watering in a hurry, then I sat down at my computer to do some google searches:
dc dead squirrel removal
dc dead squirrel
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The last search proved to be the most fruitful and led me to Department of Public Works' Dead Animal Removal page http://dpw.dc.gov/dpw/cwp/view.asp?a=1203&q=518101.

Phew! I felt much better.

I read through Helpful Tips:

Be sure the animal is dead. (Check)
Cover the animal. (Check)
Pour bleach or ammonia to eliminate further destruction by other animals. (Check)

Things were looking good. All I had to do was call the number and request the service.

I dialed the number and immediately was connected to a customer service representative. I told her about my problem and she asked for the location. When I gave her the address, she said, "Is this a public space?"

"No. It is in our front yard."
"I'm sorry, sir, but unless the squirrel is in a public place, we can't come and get it."
"What? You mean that you're not going to come get the squirrel because it is on the wrong side of a fence?"
"Yes, sir."
"Then what should I do?"
"Well, sir, I'm not sure, but we can't help you unless the animal is on public space."
"Okay, so I'm going to go out and throw it over the fence onto the sidewalk."
"Okay, sir, as long as the squirrel is on public space. But we can't come get it if it is on private property."
"When could you pick it up?"
"Within the next 48 hours, starting tomorrow morning."

Now, I wasn't about to throw that squirrel over the fence onto the sidewalk. What a mess! It would continue to decompose just a few more feet away from the house. I imagined myself carrying the squirrel to the neighborhood park, but it just felt wrong to put a dead squirrel where kids were playing.

"Ma'm."
"Yes."
"I'm not going to throw the squirrel over the fence or move it to a public place. What else can I do?"
"Well, sir, you should just throw it away."

She said this without any sort of enthusiasm or concern.

"What?! You've got to be messing around. There's no way the city advocates people throwing dead animals away."
"Sir, that's what everyone does. It's easy. Just put the squirrel into a plastic sack and throw it in your trash container. Is there anything else I can do for you?"
"Serious? You, an employee of the DPW, are telling me to throw a dead animal in with my empty cereal boxes and used paper towels?"
"Yes, sir. If there's nothing else I can do for you, have a great day."

And that was it. And now I'm sitting here putting off the inevitable. The view from my window reveals the dead squirrel, awaiting a proper burial and something feels very wrong about just throwing him away, but I'm out of options. Plastic sack, squirrel, trash can - it's time to meet each other! Good thing it's trash day tomorrow!!