Shake off the Haters
I used to teach high school English in inner-city Long Beach, California. While there, my students taught me some of their colloquialisms, but one of them sticks out.
My sophomore class had been invited by our District Representative to participate in a Lord of the Rings project. All my students had to do was read the free LOTR book they had been given and then write a paper about their purpose in life. The reward? They would be the first people in the area to see the world premier of the second film The Two Towers. My students were struggling readers, so we used class time to read the text and work on the paper. One day, as students were brainstorming ideas about their purpose in life, Timothy (one of the craziest, funniest kids I've ever met), asked us if we wanted to know the purpose of his life. Well, we knew we were in for it, and we sat back to take it in.
"First," he told us, "I want to be the President of the United States... (pause) so I can turn the White House into the Black House! (fits of laughter :-))." After the laughter subdued, Timothy said, "Nah, that's not really what I want to do. I think my purpose in life is really to shake off the haters! (fits of laughter again). You know, a lot of people be hatin' 'round here. Maybe not for you, Mr. Jones, but people be straight hatin' on the West Side (more laughter)." My students knew I lived in the same neighborhood as they, and enjoyed playfully jesting that I was only using the address and really lived in posh Orange County where I belonged. Perhaps they also really thought that I was immune to the "haters" they faced every day.
In the world of counseling, there is a therapeutic technique called psychodrama, in which "an extemporized dramatization is designed to afford catharsis and social relearning for one or more of the participants from whose life history the plot is abstracted." Basically, if you were part of a psychodrama, you would be asked to play a role from your past or someone else's as a means of dealing with the pain of past. Or, in Timothy's vernacular, you might play the part of a "hater". These sessions are intense and reality and roles can be blurred.
In an effort to "unblur" and clarify, participants go through a physical process at the end of the psychodrama where they stand, and literally wipe off the role that they were playing, saying things like "I am no longer (fill in the blank). I am me." And so on. It's a relatively quick, but extremely important step, so that people don't keep you in a role and so you don't stay in a role. In essence, you're coming back to reality. You are cleansing yourself of the role. You are wiping away the past. You are shaking off the haters.
What happens when the haters from our past still feel real? When they feel attached to our very being? When a smell, a thought, a noise, or a feeling sends us back in time to relive the experience as if it happened only minutes before?
In a sense, Timothy had it right. We need to shake off the haters in our lives - those people who have wounded us, violated us, abused us, condemned us, etc. But how do we do it?
Recently, in a counseling session, I was coming to face to face with one of my "haters" and it felt terrible. My therapist recommended that I "shake off the hater" (not the phrase my therapist used:-)) by physically wiping/brushing off the person's attempts to invade my space, violate me, etc., and vocalizing my identity, my individuality, my stance.
And so I did. I stood in our living room and while shaking off the haters, vocalized reality - the reality of who I am, my rights as a person, my convictions, my boundaries, my identity, my self. I also think of Jesus standing with me, applying healing balm to the wounds that come from living with other people who sin, too. I visualize his presence and listen for his voice to tell me who I am and what is real. Selah.
My sophomore class had been invited by our District Representative to participate in a Lord of the Rings project. All my students had to do was read the free LOTR book they had been given and then write a paper about their purpose in life. The reward? They would be the first people in the area to see the world premier of the second film The Two Towers. My students were struggling readers, so we used class time to read the text and work on the paper. One day, as students were brainstorming ideas about their purpose in life, Timothy (one of the craziest, funniest kids I've ever met), asked us if we wanted to know the purpose of his life. Well, we knew we were in for it, and we sat back to take it in.
"First," he told us, "I want to be the President of the United States... (pause) so I can turn the White House into the Black House! (fits of laughter :-))." After the laughter subdued, Timothy said, "Nah, that's not really what I want to do. I think my purpose in life is really to shake off the haters! (fits of laughter again). You know, a lot of people be hatin' 'round here. Maybe not for you, Mr. Jones, but people be straight hatin' on the West Side (more laughter)." My students knew I lived in the same neighborhood as they, and enjoyed playfully jesting that I was only using the address and really lived in posh Orange County where I belonged. Perhaps they also really thought that I was immune to the "haters" they faced every day.
In the world of counseling, there is a therapeutic technique called psychodrama, in which "an extemporized dramatization is designed to afford catharsis and social relearning for one or more of the participants from whose life history the plot is abstracted." Basically, if you were part of a psychodrama, you would be asked to play a role from your past or someone else's as a means of dealing with the pain of past. Or, in Timothy's vernacular, you might play the part of a "hater". These sessions are intense and reality and roles can be blurred.
In an effort to "unblur" and clarify, participants go through a physical process at the end of the psychodrama where they stand, and literally wipe off the role that they were playing, saying things like "I am no longer (fill in the blank). I am me." And so on. It's a relatively quick, but extremely important step, so that people don't keep you in a role and so you don't stay in a role. In essence, you're coming back to reality. You are cleansing yourself of the role. You are wiping away the past. You are shaking off the haters.
What happens when the haters from our past still feel real? When they feel attached to our very being? When a smell, a thought, a noise, or a feeling sends us back in time to relive the experience as if it happened only minutes before?
In a sense, Timothy had it right. We need to shake off the haters in our lives - those people who have wounded us, violated us, abused us, condemned us, etc. But how do we do it?
Recently, in a counseling session, I was coming to face to face with one of my "haters" and it felt terrible. My therapist recommended that I "shake off the hater" (not the phrase my therapist used:-)) by physically wiping/brushing off the person's attempts to invade my space, violate me, etc., and vocalizing my identity, my individuality, my stance.
And so I did. I stood in our living room and while shaking off the haters, vocalized reality - the reality of who I am, my rights as a person, my convictions, my boundaries, my identity, my self. I also think of Jesus standing with me, applying healing balm to the wounds that come from living with other people who sin, too. I visualize his presence and listen for his voice to tell me who I am and what is real. Selah.
posted by Dave Jones at 8:49 AM
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